By Mark Kaplan / October 9, 2021
In the midst of many a struggle we might ask ourselves Why Do We Work So Hard for Happiness? The reason happiness is so elusive is because it is actually so simple. It is a bunch of neurochemicals getting together for a party. The only thing we have to bring to the party are our thoughts and feelings.
Everyone has a source for happiness. It could be money, love, children, success, followers, achievements, and peace. It can vary for everyone. In polls, researchers have often found people without money are happier than those with money, so money alone is not the answer.
The Ingredients for a Happy Life
You can be gratified you have many things. You might be grateful for your mate, your children, your home, your career, your health, your friends, your upcoming vacation. Is any of those the source of your happiness? Since they may not be a source for happiness for me, they can’t be the source of happiness. They only work for you.
Why do they work for you? You have predetermined ideas. Your goals may subconsciously be striving for those sources and your values may exclude anything that doesn’t lead to those sources. If you desired to be married, you would probably not choose to be a nun. If your goal was owning a home or material things, you might not do a lot of pro bono work.
Your values and predetermined ideas of what will make your life successful, your purpose, and why you are here will then be judged by you to evaluate where you are on the scale of reaching those goals. If reaching them is the feeling you need for happiness, happiness will have to wait.
Then there are things you don’t want in your life. If you are struggling financially, have poor health, don’t like your work, haven’t been on vacation, never have free time, don’t have any friends, then they will weigh heavily on your feelings of purpose and why you are here. Some people are angry because they think they are entitled.
Does Nature Have a Hand?
Would it be true that the Nature that created you and will help you die, doesn’t have much interest in your thoughts? Or does she? Does she care how you evaluate the work she is doing as though her boss is going to review her approval ratings? I think not. Has Nature given you any tools to help with the tasks she had in mind for your life?
What were those tasks? Now we are getting to the crux. If the chemicals we associate with happiness are stimulated by challenge and learning and improvement, would this lighten the path? We get dopamine for desiring an outcome that makes our life better. We get serotonin and oxytocin for socializing and protecting others. We get endorphins for pushing our bodies physically.
“Oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin are often referred to as our “happy hormones.” When you’re attracted to another person, your brain releases dopamine, your serotonin levels increase, and oxytocin is produced. This causes you to feel a surge of positive emotion.” -Google
Rather than buying a new car to boost your spirits, maybe look at:
How to Boost These 4 Good Brain Chemicals For Better Well-Being
- Dopamine.
- Serotonin.
- Oxytocin.
- Endorphins.
Stephen Covey said that we should start our world from our interior and manifest out rather than buying a car to feel better inside. The behaviors that boost our happiness chemicals are also boosting our feeling of well being. Happiness might be “well being” with a turbo boost.
Nature has supplied us with the formula for feeling happy long before we had cars, homes, money, and fame. We start interpreting from the time we are young, what are the ingredients of happiness through our desires of what we want. We figure if we get what we want, we will be happy. It can be a painful empty journey.
Happiness would be better served if we found the behaviors that stimulated the happiness neurochemicals. Steven Kotler in The Rise of Superman describes the activation of happiness chemicals in engaging in tasks that challenge us. Challenge can lead to flow. Kotler says people in flow are the happiest people in the world. Extreme athletes are in it for the flow which includes lots of adrenalin, but in manageable amounts.
We have words that somewhat express happy feelings. Love, gratitude, health, companionship, security, and contribution. These are all healthy pursuits that engage happiness chemicals in the pursuit more than in the achieving. Consider the let down after working hard to achieve something you value and then having no more pursuit.
If you want to find some happiness, consider your behaviors. That is the place to launch the feelings that will meet your expectations. Find worthwhile challenges that make your life meaningful and give you purpose. Find your passions and you will know why you are here. Teachers and athletes may have equal happiness, but it is not in what they do. It is in what they feel about what they are doing.
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